So much more

This life I now find myself in wasn't exactly as I once dreamed it would be....

When I was in college and grad-school and let myself dream of the future, I envisioned life with a wonderful husband who lovingly did whatever I said (haha), a couple sweet kids, and hopes for an easy life for us all.  Boy, did I limit myself....I had no idea what God had in store for me.

You see, I didn't always want to let God decide the size of our family.  I didn't always want to let God direct the path our lives would take.  I didn't always appreciate the characteristics in my husband that God uses to shape me and grow me in Him.

I used to be a planner....I would spend hours and hours planning out our financials, planning out when we should have our next baby, planning out when we could go on vacations or road trips....planning, planning, planning.  I was still under the impression that we could literally control our life.

I'm so glad that God got a hold of my heart....and a hold of my sweet husband's heart as well.  The transformation in us both is nothing short of amazing....we were far from being dependent on Christ in all things, nor living righteous lives.  I had a sweet conversation with my husband the other evening, and during it I reflected on how I would label my life before truly following Christ ... the only word I could think of was 'imposter'.  I liked the thought of living for God - but I did not want to give Him all control....I was a fan.  Now, I am a changed soul and I am a follower....sold out for Christ and wanting to be used as He sees fit while I am on this earth.

Do I struggle with worry and fear and restlessness and impatience and anger and pride and envy and jealousy?  Of course....I am human.  And I am a sinner.  BUT....God does not leave me to my sin.  The Holy Spirit is convicting and guiding me daily....I am a constant work in progress.

This is how we have arrived to where we find ourselves now as a family....we are surrendered to His Will.  God Almighty is who we turn to for guidance....not our own brains.  We try to be faithful stewards of the physical things He has provided for us, but we desire to follow wherever He sends us - whether that be down the street or across the ocean, in a sturdy house or a flimsy tent, in a time of plenty or a time of need.  Just as our pastor preached on this past Sunday, we desire to be content where God has us now....with what He has given us now.

So, do you think I sometimes have moments where I think how easier it would be to not have a diaper that always needed changed?  Of course I do.  But, I also know that this life is not my own - and to fully surrender to Christ is to surrender all of me....including all of my planning and all of my desires to make life "easier".   And, even though this house is often full of young child and toddler chaos.....and sometimes this mommy and daddy are so tired from all of life's demands that we don't have much time for one-on-one time....and even though we work very hard to eat on a budget and drive a big 12-passenger van because it was a smarter financial purchase so that I could stay home with the kiddos.....THIS LIFE IS BETTER THAN I EVER ALLOWED MYSELF TO DREAM!

When we stepped out of the way (and continue to remind ourselves daily to step out of the way) and let God decide our family's direction, we have experienced peace like no other.  Do we have bad days?  Duh!  But our good days are amazing and our amazing days are out of this world!  I am humbled at how God is continuing to pursue us as His Children - to continue molding us for His work.  We pray daily for His guidance and also for sensitivity in ourselves to hear His voice leading us where we should go.  Would you join us in prayer?  We would love to pray for you....and would be humbled if anyone would be led to pray for us.
 

Just let us women be....

I have several stories of women's birth experiences running through my head.  And I'm just so sick of the medical community making labor/delivery/recovery and then infant care so ridiculously traumatic and difficult for some women.  It makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

To most of the American society, my homebirth and experience with Raylan's labor/delivery is an abormality - it's not the norm, and it makes some people feel uneasy.  But, in the community of midwives and obstetric providers that trust the woman's body to do what it was designed to do, I blend in with the crowd....my birth with Raylan is as normal as the sun rising each day.  It is a community of well-educated people who desire to have patience during the time of pregnancy, to not rush a baby based on some made up time schedule, to educate women on what is going on in their body and prepare them for the big event of labor and birth, to give women the best chance possible at a healthy delivery with a healthy baby, and to not get in the way of God's design.

Women, do you not trust your bodies to DO what God DESIGNED them to do?  Do you just not believe you can birth your own child without the need of medical intervention?  Do you truly not believe that?

Men, do you not believe your wife can birth your child?  Do you not encourage her and get involved in the pregnancy and the labor and the delivery?  Do you not know how important you are during this time?

OBs, since when do you know when a baby should come out?  Since when has an ultrasound in late 3rd trimester been 100% accurate - enough to be used to scare a woman into giving birth to a baby that wasn't ready to be born yet?

America, do you not realize that we are spending $98 BILLION dollars annually for pregnancy and childbirth - the MOST in the entire world!!!!! But we - the country who claims to have the most advanced medical care - rank 50TH.....50TH!!! in the world for maternal death rate!!  This means that 49 other countries....read that right, 49 other countries are better at keeping new mothers alive.  What in the world....when are we going to figure it out?!?!?!?!  And we rank 51ST in the world for infant mortality rates....50 other countries are doing a better job at keep newborn babies alive.  Seriously???  This. Is. Sad.

I realize there are some women that do have high-risk health situations, and it is necessary for medical involvement in those cases.  But, literally, 98% (and I'm being generous) of women in the USA do not need medical intervention to go into labor and then deliver their baby.  Seriously!!  And much of the maternal and infant mortality rates would decrease if we would stop forcing moms into labor or into a c-section and stop forcing babies out of the womb before they are ready!!!!!

If you have had a c-section.....please educate yourself on your REAL options - not the ones your OB scares you into making.  Check out this link: http://www.ican-online.org/

If you have been told you have big babies...that they are too big....please educate yourself on your body and on the best positions for childbirth to help your body when in labor. Please check out this link:  http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/Big_baby.htm

If you think you have to have an epidural to "survive" labor....please educate yourself on ALL the methods of pain management during labor....and educate yourself on all the true risks to you and your baby if you use pain meds during labor.  Please check out these links:
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/
http://www.bradleybirth.com/
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/epiduraltrip.asp

I have experienced my own labors in a hospital - with intervention every step of the way....and at home - allowing my body to do what God designed it to do as a woman.  I will always choose the latter - it was a beautiful and pleasant experience like no other. I trust in my body....I trust in my God.