A Lie About Men (and a proposal to expose the truth)

There's a lie in the world.  There's a lie in the church. And it's about men.  I've seen it on TV.  I've read it in books.  I've heard it in conversations.  This lie is following the world's lead….that men only ever think about sex and absolutely need to have sex often or "bad things could happen". And so many men and women believe it.  And so many women use this lie to control their sex life with their husband, because they feel threatened by this need for sex.  And so many men use this lie to control their sexlife with their wives, because they believe the lie.  And so many men and women let this lie allow them to lose sight of the fact that God created them in His image.

Let me make one thing clear, sex is IMPORTANT.  And it is WONDERFUL!  And it is physically and emotionally fulfilling within a healthy marriage. And a man with a high sex drive is normal and wonderful, and having a high sex drive is a good thing.  I in NO WAY mean to undermine the manliness associated with a high sex drive.  I love sex with my husband. I absolutely love it - the closeness, the fun, the passion!  I am a woman who very much supports a healthy and regular sex life.  We both enjoy it!  And when either of us isn't enjoying it, we talk about it.

However, I believe the world and the church are doing men such a disservice, setting the bar so very low, by continuing the lie that sex is all men think about.  Here's what I say:  Men! Your sex drive is God-given, but it doesn't make up all you are or can be.  In fact, in a marriage, it's more important for you to be godly than sexy. Why are we not encouraging men to believe they are more than their sex drive? More than just lustful thoughts?  Why are we not encouraging them (and men holding men accountable) to be godly men, controlled by the fruits of the spirit and not their hormones?

Ephesians 5:33 tells us this:  Women need love, men need respect.  When both parties are living as people surrendered to the Holy Spirit, there is marital harmony - women feel loved and men feel respected.  Notice that the scriptures only outline these two needs as crucial to each respective gender…sex isn't listed as crucial.  Know why?  Because sex is a gift, it's a bonus. Sex isn't crucial to a happy marriage, but it IS important and it IS an amazing gift from our loving Father.

And on that note, wives - be available to your husbands!!!  Our sex lives are NOT an obligation, but should be a source of joy and pleasure and connection with our husbands.  Our marriage counselor (HIGHLY recommend every married couple seek out professional counseling - more on that later) gave us some wonderful advice: talk as a couple and come to a compromise - ask how often per week your wife wants to have sex, ask how often per week your husband wants to have sex ... then COMPROMISE!  If that ends up being two times per week, then pick two days of the week (ex. Monday and Friday) and plan to have sex on those days every week.  This helps the husband (whose sex drive is often higher) know that he will at least get to enjoy sex with his wife two times each week, and allows him to not be guessing "Is today the day?" for the other days of the week. This also takes pressure off the wife (whose sex drive is often lower) to know which days she needs to be gearing up for sex (as it takes women longer to be in the mood) and allows her to relax on the other days of the week.  Both parties are more relaxed overall, which most often leads to more satisfaction and enjoyment of each other.

Men overcoming their hormones is no different than women overcoming our hormones and not allowing our mood and temper to be affected every month.  Women, our monthly menstrual cycle is not a free pass to treat everyone else horribly.   Our goal is Christ, right? Let's all encourage each other to pursue godly lives, not lives controlled by our flesh. We can enjoy physical intimacy with our spouses often and regularly, without being obsessed about it, from both a male and female perspective. Sex is another way to worship our good, holy God.  Let it be worship, don't let it be about our flesh.  When we base it on our fleshly desires, we are trading an intensely physical and emotional and spiritual experience for a shallow and hollow physical release.  Which, quite frankly, leaves us unsatisfied in the long term and misguided in our focus.

We humans do this a lot - we settle.  We settle for what WE have deemed good enough….but missing out on the GOOD GIFTS the Lord had hoped to give us.  Let's not settle when it comes to our sex life. Believers, let's not settle!!  Be encouraged that our God is big enough to help us overcome anything. The power of the Holy God is inside us, through the Holy Spirit we have access to His power. Let's use it and be MORE than conquerors!!

I'm not cut out for Motherhood

I'm really not... cut out for motherhood, that is.  In fact, most days, I'm pretty dreadful at it.  Me, on my own.... I'm not winning any mother of the year awards.  Some women are naturally excellent mothers, they are blessed with that gift.... they do the mothering part almost effortlessly it seems. I do not possess this gift.

But, I love God. And I love His ways. And I adore that He has a purpose in everything, in every minute and seemingly pointless detail. And it makes me love Him even more when He reveals a piece of His purpose to us, in His perfect timing.

I may not possess a natural gift for mothering, but God knew that didn't matter.  It doesn't mean I just accept my shortcomings as "part of my personality" or use them as an excuse to not fulfill my role. I believe I need to always be willing to change and improve.  But, I do get to rely heavily on Christ to make it through each day.  And by that, I don't just mean "survive" the day, or "survive" this season of life with a bunch of little ones and another on the way.  I mean, I get to rely on Christ to help me thrive during this season, and every season of this life.

I love that God knew I would be challenged by having a big family. He knew I would need Him every day, every minute of every day.  He knew I would need my selfishness and impatience and tendency to get angry quickly and pride to be brought to the forefront and dealt with. He knew exactly which little lives to send to me, to mold me and grow me and bless me and soften me and challenge me and love me.  Four kids in a little over 4.5 years has been a whirlwind, and goodness, there have been some ugly days..... and I've shown my ugly, selfish heart more times than I can count or want to admit.  But, with baby #5 on the way, I can't help but be thankful for this messy life.... the good, the bad, and the ugly.... and I can't help but be thankful that God chose to use me once more to bring another life into this world. I get to depend on Him even more, as He asks for even more of my selfishness and pride and impatience to be dealt with and overcome by His love and grace. 

I really am not cut out for motherhood.  But this is the most precious (and gut-wrenching and HARD and mentally challenging and frustrating and OVERFLOWING with blessings) role God has asked of me so far in this life. And I pray my heart and mind and soul will always allow my Lord to use me however He sees fit.... never rationalizing or choosing the "safe" path. I am only safe when completely dependent on Him, my favorite and most peaceful place to be.

Parenting is HARD

This morning, as we were finishing some chores and getting ready to leave the house for an appointment with our chiropractor, all of the following transpired...
• RT (2.5 yrs old) took apart a multi-click pen for the umpteenth time, and spread the pieces all over my bed
• AI (11 months old) tipped over the dog's half-full large water bowl
• SJ (4 years old) had a crying fit because she wanted to be "all pinked up" with her outfit today and she couldn't find her other pink sandal before it was time to leave
• MK (5.5 years old) dressed herself and flawlessly got herself out the door and in the vehicle..... okay, that one was actually helpful. :)

There are some mornings I am exhausted before the day has really even started.  And some days, I have absolutely no patience at all..... and no patience = momma responds in anger.  Then feelings get hurt and momma feels horrible, followed by much apologizing and attempting to mend the damage done..... then a moment of weakness and lost patience again, and the vicious cycle repeats.  Please tell me anyone else can relate??!!

The Lord has used these kidlets of mine to do a number on my selfishness and pride.  I don't like to publicly admit these issues, but I can't stand fake.... so I'm keeping it real.  I have a real battle going on inside between my selfishness & pride and the Holy Spirit's guidance.  But, God has given me some nuggets of hope that help me fight this battle.  Here's 5 things God has shown me to help me with this parenting gig:

1)  These kiddos are not my possession.  We tend to use the words, "my, mine, ours" when we describe our children to someone else.  And it can be easy to forget that, while I am entrusted with the task of raising them (and teaching them and loving them and guiding them), they actually belong to God, and I would do right to see them as His creation, not my possession.  Possessions can bring out a reaction of control.... and a reaction of defense if those possessions reflect negatively on ourselves.  I often get frustrated with my kids when they aren't acting in a way I approve of (out of my control) - and even more so, when we are out in public.  However, when I view my children as God's - His creation and His possession - I free myself from the burden of worrying what others think when it comes to the children God has given me.... or from the idea that I must keep control.  It's a sweet place to be..... and one I'm still praying hard to return to often!  **I am not referring to discipline.  Discipline, in a teaching manner, is needed and beneficial and crucial.  But, lashing out because a kid is being a kid doesn't teach anyone anything.**

2)  If you are a follower of Christ, you know that He commands us to share the gospel to the ends of the earth.  Many believers feel they need to be "called" into mission work..... many know we are "on mission" every day of our life, right where we are.... only ending up in different geographical locations if God desires.  However, moms and dads, if all of your children- or even just one - is not saved, has not committed their life to Christ - you are living in a mission field 24/7!!!  So, God has impressed upon my heart to see my children for what they currently are - lost.  I have a captive audience of lost souls watching me and listening to me and learning from me every single day.  That is sobering.  If I was on a mission trip (long or short term) would I display anger and frustration and impatience..... or would I go to great lengths to display love and kindness and forgiveness and humbleness??  That is a convicting thought for me.

3)  We have all searched for THE parenting book, the one that would give us all the answers.  I'm proposing that this book has already been written..... the author is named God the Father, the title is His Holy Word, the Bible.  Seriously peeps, every single thing we will encounter or deal with has an answer in His Book.  How often am I seeking His guidance through His mighty Word?

4)  I recently heard a video pointing out the passage in Genesis where Satan has just tempted Eve and Adam, and they have been caught.  God essentially tells Satan that humans will hate him and he will hate them.  Here are the verses: Genesis 3:14-15  "The LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, cursed are you more than all cattle, and more than every beast of the field; on your belly you will go, and dust you will eat All the days of your life; and I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel."  It is biblical that we hate Satan.... that we hate sin.  So, the application of this is to direct our anger and frustration where it belongs - towards Satan, NOT at our kids.  Our children are born sinners, they will act like sinners... they will be sinners.  Hate the sin, direct the hate toward Satan.... teach the children with LOVE.  For me, it felt like a huge burden was lifted to realize it is okay to have anger in response to the sin - biblical in fact - but that anger needs directed at Satan, nowhere else.  (Really, this applies in every relationship).

5)  The final thing God has given me to cling to is that His transformation in my heart and mind starts NOW.  Even in the smallest way, the more I give Him the control with my heart and mind and reactions, the more He can do a mighty work.  I don't need to wait until "I've improved my behavior and then ask Him for help"..... right now, when I'm weak, this is when I let Him be strong and mold me.  God doesn't want what I think is a better version of myself, He wants the freedom to create the me HE needs to further His Kingdom and carry out His Will.  Again, it is freeing to give Him the task of molding and changing my heart....I just have to be willing and earnestly seeking Him (prayer, time in His Word, worship).

I know this was long, but I have needed to write this all down..... definitely for myself, maybe for someone else too.  Please share with me what God has shown you in your parenting journey!! God bless!

So much more

This life I now find myself in wasn't exactly as I once dreamed it would be....

When I was in college and grad-school and let myself dream of the future, I envisioned life with a wonderful husband who lovingly did whatever I said (haha), a couple sweet kids, and hopes for an easy life for us all.  Boy, did I limit myself....I had no idea what God had in store for me.

You see, I didn't always want to let God decide the size of our family.  I didn't always want to let God direct the path our lives would take.  I didn't always appreciate the characteristics in my husband that God uses to shape me and grow me in Him.

I used to be a planner....I would spend hours and hours planning out our financials, planning out when we should have our next baby, planning out when we could go on vacations or road trips....planning, planning, planning.  I was still under the impression that we could literally control our life.

I'm so glad that God got a hold of my heart....and a hold of my sweet husband's heart as well.  The transformation in us both is nothing short of amazing....we were far from being dependent on Christ in all things, nor living righteous lives.  I had a sweet conversation with my husband the other evening, and during it I reflected on how I would label my life before truly following Christ ... the only word I could think of was 'imposter'.  I liked the thought of living for God - but I did not want to give Him all control....I was a fan.  Now, I am a changed soul and I am a follower....sold out for Christ and wanting to be used as He sees fit while I am on this earth.

Do I struggle with worry and fear and restlessness and impatience and anger and pride and envy and jealousy?  Of course....I am human.  And I am a sinner.  BUT....God does not leave me to my sin.  The Holy Spirit is convicting and guiding me daily....I am a constant work in progress.

This is how we have arrived to where we find ourselves now as a family....we are surrendered to His Will.  God Almighty is who we turn to for guidance....not our own brains.  We try to be faithful stewards of the physical things He has provided for us, but we desire to follow wherever He sends us - whether that be down the street or across the ocean, in a sturdy house or a flimsy tent, in a time of plenty or a time of need.  Just as our pastor preached on this past Sunday, we desire to be content where God has us now....with what He has given us now.

So, do you think I sometimes have moments where I think how easier it would be to not have a diaper that always needed changed?  Of course I do.  But, I also know that this life is not my own - and to fully surrender to Christ is to surrender all of me....including all of my planning and all of my desires to make life "easier".   And, even though this house is often full of young child and toddler chaos.....and sometimes this mommy and daddy are so tired from all of life's demands that we don't have much time for one-on-one time....and even though we work very hard to eat on a budget and drive a big 12-passenger van because it was a smarter financial purchase so that I could stay home with the kiddos.....THIS LIFE IS BETTER THAN I EVER ALLOWED MYSELF TO DREAM!

When we stepped out of the way (and continue to remind ourselves daily to step out of the way) and let God decide our family's direction, we have experienced peace like no other.  Do we have bad days?  Duh!  But our good days are amazing and our amazing days are out of this world!  I am humbled at how God is continuing to pursue us as His Children - to continue molding us for His work.  We pray daily for His guidance and also for sensitivity in ourselves to hear His voice leading us where we should go.  Would you join us in prayer?  We would love to pray for you....and would be humbled if anyone would be led to pray for us.
 

Just let us women be....

I have several stories of women's birth experiences running through my head.  And I'm just so sick of the medical community making labor/delivery/recovery and then infant care so ridiculously traumatic and difficult for some women.  It makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

To most of the American society, my homebirth and experience with Raylan's labor/delivery is an abormality - it's not the norm, and it makes some people feel uneasy.  But, in the community of midwives and obstetric providers that trust the woman's body to do what it was designed to do, I blend in with the crowd....my birth with Raylan is as normal as the sun rising each day.  It is a community of well-educated people who desire to have patience during the time of pregnancy, to not rush a baby based on some made up time schedule, to educate women on what is going on in their body and prepare them for the big event of labor and birth, to give women the best chance possible at a healthy delivery with a healthy baby, and to not get in the way of God's design.

Women, do you not trust your bodies to DO what God DESIGNED them to do?  Do you just not believe you can birth your own child without the need of medical intervention?  Do you truly not believe that?

Men, do you not believe your wife can birth your child?  Do you not encourage her and get involved in the pregnancy and the labor and the delivery?  Do you not know how important you are during this time?

OBs, since when do you know when a baby should come out?  Since when has an ultrasound in late 3rd trimester been 100% accurate - enough to be used to scare a woman into giving birth to a baby that wasn't ready to be born yet?

America, do you not realize that we are spending $98 BILLION dollars annually for pregnancy and childbirth - the MOST in the entire world!!!!! But we - the country who claims to have the most advanced medical care - rank 50TH.....50TH!!! in the world for maternal death rate!!  This means that 49 other countries....read that right, 49 other countries are better at keeping new mothers alive.  What in the world....when are we going to figure it out?!?!?!?!  And we rank 51ST in the world for infant mortality rates....50 other countries are doing a better job at keep newborn babies alive.  Seriously???  This. Is. Sad.

I realize there are some women that do have high-risk health situations, and it is necessary for medical involvement in those cases.  But, literally, 98% (and I'm being generous) of women in the USA do not need medical intervention to go into labor and then deliver their baby.  Seriously!!  And much of the maternal and infant mortality rates would decrease if we would stop forcing moms into labor or into a c-section and stop forcing babies out of the womb before they are ready!!!!!

If you have had a c-section.....please educate yourself on your REAL options - not the ones your OB scares you into making.  Check out this link: http://www.ican-online.org/

If you have been told you have big babies...that they are too big....please educate yourself on your body and on the best positions for childbirth to help your body when in labor. Please check out this link:  http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/Big_baby.htm

If you think you have to have an epidural to "survive" labor....please educate yourself on ALL the methods of pain management during labor....and educate yourself on all the true risks to you and your baby if you use pain meds during labor.  Please check out these links:
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/
http://www.bradleybirth.com/
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/epiduraltrip.asp

I have experienced my own labors in a hospital - with intervention every step of the way....and at home - allowing my body to do what God designed it to do as a woman.  I will always choose the latter - it was a beautiful and pleasant experience like no other. I trust in my body....I trust in my God.

What's it all about?

Some days....most days, lately....I feel like I have just missed it.

I've missed what it's all about.  This life I live is so much bigger than I allow God to make it.

I get focused on myself....contained within my own little walls of this house.  I make all the daily decisions more weighted than they should be....distracted by our "problems" that are not really problems - but blessings that can become burdens.

Am I thankful we have a house?  YES!!
Am I thankful we have a car?  YES!!
Am I thankful we have food to eat and clothing to wear?  YES!!

BUT....Am I caught up in our own lifestyle....falling short of seeing a bigger blessing and being a part of a bigger blessing by ending my worship with a simple thanks for provisions????  Sadly, yes.  Worship of God Almighty is so much more than thankfulness for stuff....for needs met.  To end worship there, your soul misses out on so much.  Worship also involves serving - to realize that your needs have been met so that you can be used to help another.

Life is not about just getting needs met.....

• it's about barely having needs met AND giving what I did not think I could give to another in need.
• it's about living in the present AND being ready to go where God wants to send me in the future.
• it's about living with eternity with Christ in my heart AND being useful while still here on earth.
• it's about finding joy in my daily moments AND submitting to conviction for repentence.
• it's about keeping my heart/mind/soul focused on the things of Christ AND being aware of the torment and evil and horrendous acts in this world so that I can be used to HELP those who are helpless.

"In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

Each day, my struggle grows stronger.  How can I continue going about life "as it is" when I know that there are humans that won't get to eat today.....humans that will have to sleep out in the rain and cold....humans that will be sold into slavery of all kinds....humans that are abused just because....how can I continue on this same path, not making any decisions that would disrupt this life I am living....how can I continue filling life up with stuff, and not emptying it so that it can be filled with God's love being poured out on others?  Jesus Christ came for ALL......ALL!!!!  And especially for the least of these....he came to save, to heal, to restore.  God help me...help our family....as we fall into a deeper relationship with Him, as we lean on Him more in all things, as we trust Him with what He has planned for us.

Some wise and convicting and motivating and loving words from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity:

“Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”

“It is better to forget about yourself altogether.”

“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call "ourselves," to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be "good.”  

"In the passage where the New Testament says that every one must work, it gives as a reason ‘in order that he may have something to give to those in need’. Charity—giving to the poor—is an essential part of Christian morality.  ... ...  I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charities expenditure excludes them."

Find other blog posts concerning faith, marriage, raising children, homemaking, homeschooling, gardening, crafting, natural living, & ministry @ this link up over at Raising Mighty Arrows

Send Me

My God has tugged on my heart to go. There is a group of people in Africa that have never heard of Jesus....and I desire to follow where God has prompted me to go.  I am out of my comfort zone....I unsure of myself and I know ALL of my weaknesses.  There are a million reasons I could give myself to talk myself out of going.  And yet, there is one reason TO go....the only reason that matters - I will go because I love my Lord above anything else and anyone else, and He is asking me to be available to go.

Could He accomplish His goal without me?  Of course!!  Do I want to miss out on the blessing of being used by God Almighty?  Absolutely NOT!!!  I am going because I know God is wanting to send me, but also because it brings my heart joy to go - to share the gospel with those who have not yet heard of His saving grace!!!

I have much to do to be prepared to go - spiritually, emotionally, physically. But, I also have much to do to prepare my household so that it is a low stress time for my hubby while I am away (or at least as low stress as possible!!).  I have already seen God answer prayers concerning this mission trip...and I'm excited to see Him continue to answer prayers and move hearts!! 

I covet all your prayers - not just for myself, the mission trip, and the people we will be ministering to...but also for my kiddos and husband, for amazing strength and patience for my husband (it is so hard to fly solo with 3 little ones) and for amazing ability to listen, obey, and get along for my kiddos.

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding."  ~ Romans 14:17-19