I was a first-time mommy not too long ago. And, now being a mommy of 3, I'm thankful I can put that title behind me!!!! Becoming a mommy was one of the greatest blessings I will ever experience in this lifetime....I am forever thankful to be called 'Mommy'. But being a first-time mommy can be a super stressful time....if we let it.
I mean, let's be honest, no matter if you live in Smalltownville or Bigcityburg.....everyone's got wisdom to impart onto the first-time mommy....and everyone thinks they are right. And the new mommy is stuck somewhere between respecting everyone's advice/opinions and wanting to scream for everyone to just keep their mouth shut already!
Plus, there are about a bazillion-gillion baby books out there...and don't even start searching the internet! Even "experienced" mommies can get overwhelmed by the plethora of information out there....never mind that so much of it is contradicting!!
I have made lots of mistakes, but I have gained knowledge from what I've learned through reflection on those mistakes. This post is my attempt to be an encouragement to all mommies...to give a mommy some fresh ideas if she is in a rut....and to try to pass on things I have learned along the way.....what good is knowledge if you don't share it?
Here we go:
1. All babies are different. All mommies are different. All daddies are different. This seems simple...I mean, DUH!! But, take a moment to really think how knowing this can reduce stress. We are families comprised of human beings, each with a different personality....even from inside the womb. Knowing and accepting this in your marriage relationship is huge....even more huge to accept your child's/children's unique personalities!! So, to the new mommy - what works for someone else's baby may not work for yours....follow your instinct and take time to really learn your baby's cues - they've all got them....their own unique language to you!!
2. If your pediatrician or family physician is bullying you......FIND A NEW ONE!!! I am very passionate about the fact that medical professionals work for you, and if one is not respecting that relationship...it's time to seek out a new provider. Physicians should create a trusting environment for their patients, not one where you are constantly doubting yourself and the decisions you are making for your child. Seek one that is wanting to help you according to your convictions....one that is always open to new sources of information.....while still offering sound medical advice to help you make decisions. I could write a book on this, but I'll reign it in here.
3. Go ahead and accept that it's not about you anymore. For most mommies, this is another 'DUH' statement....but I didn't truly learn this lesson soon enough. I spent way too many hours at night being frustrated and stressed that my baby was waking up in the middle of the night and it was preventing me from getting sleep....way too many hours stressed that my baby wasn't spreading out her feedings like she was supposed to and it wasn't convenient...I had made it all about me. No matter whether this baby was planned or a surprise, all babies enter this world completely dependent.....completely. Take time to reflect on the times you are getting frustrated and have a heart-to-heart with yourself - then all you mommies who are followers of Christ - hit your knees, proclaim your inability to do this on your own, and pray for His Spirit to guide you.....yourself will thank you...and so will your baby! They can sense our stress, ya know....so, set it straight in your mind that your time is not your time. All too soon that little dependent baby will be grown and living on their own....and you'll have all the time in the world to do whatever you want.
4. There really is no such thing as too much cuddling and snuggling with that precious babe. Again, a lesson I took too long to realize. Now that my first baby is almost 4 whole years old, I understand just how fast time passes....that they are small for just a short while....that nobody ever died from extra time snuggling with mommy!! I realize everyone has different parenting techniques, but if you err.....err on the side of love.
5. Do your research....be educated in all you put in and on your kiddos bodies, and into their minds. All that means is, in whatever decision you are making (breastfeeding v. formula, vaccines v. no vaccines, organic v. non-organic, pediatrician v. family physician, co-sleeping v. crib sleeping, TV v. no TV, public/private school v. home school, etc), know the facts on both sides. Not all of these decisions can have potential bad consequences, but once something permanent is done, you can't un-do it. So, if you are conflicted, trust your instinct and wait until you've gotten enough info to comfortably make your decision. And above all else, PRAY for guidance in these decisions!! Relying on God our Father to let His way be our way. This one is said with such love....from a mommy who didn't do enough research and regrets some decisions....I try to help others know that there are choices, and I desire to prevent even one mommy from living with regret!!
6. Don't be afraid to ask for help....especially from your hubby! A lot of first-time mommies try to do everything...and first-time daddies don't even know where to start or when to offer help. The best thing you can do for your baby and his/her relationship with daddy, is to let them spend time together without you there. And the best thing you can do for your marriage, in this time of welcoming someone new to the family, is to involve your husband as much as you can, and to be honest with him - communicating when you need help. And if you are a single-momma, I think you are amazing!! But, don't let your pride get in the way of allowing someone to be a blessing to you. If you don't have family close, seek out a local church and get involved....there's so many that love to help others.
So, just a few tidbits.....but mainly - just breathe. Enjoy each day....soak it all in. And cover each day in prayer, because your strength really does come from the Lord!!!
I mean, let's be honest, no matter if you live in Smalltownville or Bigcityburg.....everyone's got wisdom to impart onto the first-time mommy....and everyone thinks they are right. And the new mommy is stuck somewhere between respecting everyone's advice/opinions and wanting to scream for everyone to just keep their mouth shut already!
Plus, there are about a bazillion-gillion baby books out there...and don't even start searching the internet! Even "experienced" mommies can get overwhelmed by the plethora of information out there....never mind that so much of it is contradicting!!
I have made lots of mistakes, but I have gained knowledge from what I've learned through reflection on those mistakes. This post is my attempt to be an encouragement to all mommies...to give a mommy some fresh ideas if she is in a rut....and to try to pass on things I have learned along the way.....what good is knowledge if you don't share it?
Here we go:
1. All babies are different. All mommies are different. All daddies are different. This seems simple...I mean, DUH!! But, take a moment to really think how knowing this can reduce stress. We are families comprised of human beings, each with a different personality....even from inside the womb. Knowing and accepting this in your marriage relationship is huge....even more huge to accept your child's/children's unique personalities!! So, to the new mommy - what works for someone else's baby may not work for yours....follow your instinct and take time to really learn your baby's cues - they've all got them....their own unique language to you!!
2. If your pediatrician or family physician is bullying you......FIND A NEW ONE!!! I am very passionate about the fact that medical professionals work for you, and if one is not respecting that relationship...it's time to seek out a new provider. Physicians should create a trusting environment for their patients, not one where you are constantly doubting yourself and the decisions you are making for your child. Seek one that is wanting to help you according to your convictions....one that is always open to new sources of information.....while still offering sound medical advice to help you make decisions. I could write a book on this, but I'll reign it in here.
3. Go ahead and accept that it's not about you anymore. For most mommies, this is another 'DUH' statement....but I didn't truly learn this lesson soon enough. I spent way too many hours at night being frustrated and stressed that my baby was waking up in the middle of the night and it was preventing me from getting sleep....way too many hours stressed that my baby wasn't spreading out her feedings like she was supposed to and it wasn't convenient...I had made it all about me. No matter whether this baby was planned or a surprise, all babies enter this world completely dependent.....completely. Take time to reflect on the times you are getting frustrated and have a heart-to-heart with yourself - then all you mommies who are followers of Christ - hit your knees, proclaim your inability to do this on your own, and pray for His Spirit to guide you.....yourself will thank you...and so will your baby! They can sense our stress, ya know....so, set it straight in your mind that your time is not your time. All too soon that little dependent baby will be grown and living on their own....and you'll have all the time in the world to do whatever you want.
4. There really is no such thing as too much cuddling and snuggling with that precious babe. Again, a lesson I took too long to realize. Now that my first baby is almost 4 whole years old, I understand just how fast time passes....that they are small for just a short while....that nobody ever died from extra time snuggling with mommy!! I realize everyone has different parenting techniques, but if you err.....err on the side of love.
5. Do your research....be educated in all you put in and on your kiddos bodies, and into their minds. All that means is, in whatever decision you are making (breastfeeding v. formula, vaccines v. no vaccines, organic v. non-organic, pediatrician v. family physician, co-sleeping v. crib sleeping, TV v. no TV, public/private school v. home school, etc), know the facts on both sides. Not all of these decisions can have potential bad consequences, but once something permanent is done, you can't un-do it. So, if you are conflicted, trust your instinct and wait until you've gotten enough info to comfortably make your decision. And above all else, PRAY for guidance in these decisions!! Relying on God our Father to let His way be our way. This one is said with such love....from a mommy who didn't do enough research and regrets some decisions....I try to help others know that there are choices, and I desire to prevent even one mommy from living with regret!!
6. Don't be afraid to ask for help....especially from your hubby! A lot of first-time mommies try to do everything...and first-time daddies don't even know where to start or when to offer help. The best thing you can do for your baby and his/her relationship with daddy, is to let them spend time together without you there. And the best thing you can do for your marriage, in this time of welcoming someone new to the family, is to involve your husband as much as you can, and to be honest with him - communicating when you need help. And if you are a single-momma, I think you are amazing!! But, don't let your pride get in the way of allowing someone to be a blessing to you. If you don't have family close, seek out a local church and get involved....there's so many that love to help others.
So, just a few tidbits.....but mainly - just breathe. Enjoy each day....soak it all in. And cover each day in prayer, because your strength really does come from the Lord!!!
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