A Lie About Men (and a proposal to expose the truth)

There's a lie in the world.  There's a lie in the church. And it's about men.  I've seen it on TV.  I've read it in books.  I've heard it in conversations.  This lie is following the world's lead….that men only ever think about sex and absolutely need to have sex often or "bad things could happen". And so many men and women believe it.  And so many women use this lie to control their sex life with their husband, because they feel threatened by this need for sex.  And so many men use this lie to control their sexlife with their wives, because they believe the lie.  And so many men and women let this lie allow them to lose sight of the fact that God created them in His image.

Let me make one thing clear, sex is IMPORTANT.  And it is WONDERFUL!  And it is physically and emotionally fulfilling within a healthy marriage. And a man with a high sex drive is normal and wonderful, and having a high sex drive is a good thing.  I in NO WAY mean to undermine the manliness associated with a high sex drive.  I love sex with my husband. I absolutely love it - the closeness, the fun, the passion!  I am a woman who very much supports a healthy and regular sex life.  We both enjoy it!  And when either of us isn't enjoying it, we talk about it.

However, I believe the world and the church are doing men such a disservice, setting the bar so very low, by continuing the lie that sex is all men think about.  Here's what I say:  Men! Your sex drive is God-given, but it doesn't make up all you are or can be.  In fact, in a marriage, it's more important for you to be godly than sexy. Why are we not encouraging men to believe they are more than their sex drive? More than just lustful thoughts?  Why are we not encouraging them (and men holding men accountable) to be godly men, controlled by the fruits of the spirit and not their hormones?

Ephesians 5:33 tells us this:  Women need love, men need respect.  When both parties are living as people surrendered to the Holy Spirit, there is marital harmony - women feel loved and men feel respected.  Notice that the scriptures only outline these two needs as crucial to each respective gender…sex isn't listed as crucial.  Know why?  Because sex is a gift, it's a bonus. Sex isn't crucial to a happy marriage, but it IS important and it IS an amazing gift from our loving Father.

And on that note, wives - be available to your husbands!!!  Our sex lives are NOT an obligation, but should be a source of joy and pleasure and connection with our husbands.  Our marriage counselor (HIGHLY recommend every married couple seek out professional counseling - more on that later) gave us some wonderful advice: talk as a couple and come to a compromise - ask how often per week your wife wants to have sex, ask how often per week your husband wants to have sex ... then COMPROMISE!  If that ends up being two times per week, then pick two days of the week (ex. Monday and Friday) and plan to have sex on those days every week.  This helps the husband (whose sex drive is often higher) know that he will at least get to enjoy sex with his wife two times each week, and allows him to not be guessing "Is today the day?" for the other days of the week. This also takes pressure off the wife (whose sex drive is often lower) to know which days she needs to be gearing up for sex (as it takes women longer to be in the mood) and allows her to relax on the other days of the week.  Both parties are more relaxed overall, which most often leads to more satisfaction and enjoyment of each other.

Men overcoming their hormones is no different than women overcoming our hormones and not allowing our mood and temper to be affected every month.  Women, our monthly menstrual cycle is not a free pass to treat everyone else horribly.   Our goal is Christ, right? Let's all encourage each other to pursue godly lives, not lives controlled by our flesh. We can enjoy physical intimacy with our spouses often and regularly, without being obsessed about it, from both a male and female perspective. Sex is another way to worship our good, holy God.  Let it be worship, don't let it be about our flesh.  When we base it on our fleshly desires, we are trading an intensely physical and emotional and spiritual experience for a shallow and hollow physical release.  Which, quite frankly, leaves us unsatisfied in the long term and misguided in our focus.

We humans do this a lot - we settle.  We settle for what WE have deemed good enough….but missing out on the GOOD GIFTS the Lord had hoped to give us.  Let's not settle when it comes to our sex life. Believers, let's not settle!!  Be encouraged that our God is big enough to help us overcome anything. The power of the Holy God is inside us, through the Holy Spirit we have access to His power. Let's use it and be MORE than conquerors!!